I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
