Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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