i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
