dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
