oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
