I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
