I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
