she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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