I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
