just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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