Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
