the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
