If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
