David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
