My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
