remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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