I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
