Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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