I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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