I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
