Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
