idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
