So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
