I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
