After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
