I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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