just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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