is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
