Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I sprained my soul last night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
