so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
