Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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