me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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