May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
