I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
