I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
