so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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