Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
