I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
