Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
