i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
