You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize