And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
