another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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