You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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