are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
