It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
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