She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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