last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
