so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
