We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
