HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
