Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
