i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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