I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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