I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
