My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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