i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
