I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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