Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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