he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
