Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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