I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
