You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
