i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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