So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
