please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
