lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
