I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
a search helicopter?!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
