Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
