I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
