Girls should come with a carfax report
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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