is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
