we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
