I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
